CHOKING FIRST AID
STEP 1: Let them choke for a little bit. See if they can work it out themselves. Fostering independence is important.
STEP 2: Give them a firm karate chop to the back to show your Kung fu prowess.
STEP 3: Hug it out and whisper sweet nothings into their ear.
STEP 4: Overstay your welcome in hug territory. Really let it get uncomfortable.
STEP 1: They’re dead. Ditch the old plan and move onto a new one. Suck out all remnants of happiness left within the body. That’s right, just like a dementor.
STEP 2: Play that corpse like a drum. Don’t be afraid to really jam out.
STEP 3: Roll that corpse away. We can’t have any lingering evidence.
STEP 4: Find your next victim. Repeat.
Overheard at Starbucks
- Woman 1: Mom jeans are back.
- Woman 2: What?!
- Woman 1: Mom jeans are back!
- Woman 2: THANK. GOD.
I already saw that on Tumblr.